Missing my mommy....and baby shopping

Dearest readers (I do hope the plural is accurate),

It's Monday morning boooooo.  And I had a couple of days off because Mommy Fotouh came to visit.  We went crazy going to baby stores and looking at stuff which was super helpful.  But now she is gone and I have the post Mommy blues.  Sigh, have I complained enough yet about being far away from loved ones?

Baby shopping was kind of illuminating.  I have never paid attention to baby stuff in my life.  An occasional trip to Babies R Us has been made to buy a gift for a shower and that's pretty much it.  Trying to actually get the stuff is like some freakish initiation.  There are so many choices, so much plastic, and it's up to you to figure it out.  After much reading, obsessing, online reviewing, and asking opinions, I am starting to get a handle on what I actually need.  Every time I looked at anything my Mom would classically say 'In il fallaheen (rural Egypt) they would just take the baby home in a blanket and the baby would be fine.'   Haha no longer.  It kind of makes me think, why can't I just have a couple of blankets?? But life is a leeetle more complicated now.

On another note, it's been funny (in a bittersweet way) starting to let patients now about the plan on April maternity leave and not returning because of our move to Milwaukee.  Let me tell you it's been a big piece of humble pie (not sure if anyone uses this saying any more but I like it).  I am thinking about how much I have bonded with them and how I wish I could follow them and I am trying to ease them gently into the news.  Some people do have a moment of 'awww' but there is a very quick recovery to 'can we get extra prescriptions.'  Others don't even pretend a moment of sadness!  Seriously!  So I just have to accept that I think I am more important to them than I am :). 

All right dear ones, hope Monday treats you all well and hope to hear from you,
Frieda

Space Heater

Dearest friends,

To those of you who commented (Gigi, Hana, Liz)  you made my week.  I know a couple of you tried but I had some weird privacy settings that have now been changed.  So no excuses. 

I am a little late with my promise to post pics, but here is a pic of my me with my little space heater.  These pics are two weeks ago.  One is clearly taken at a more flattering angle than the other but hey :). 

This one Zagum took of me while he was sitting and watching football (hence the screen in the background) and I made him retake it because I felt it made me look especially hearty.  You may also note below a recent addition to our family, Papa angry bird and Baby angry bird on his head.  Out of the screen is Mama angry bird.  Yes I bought these.  They comfort me in my times of angst.

And this one is a special treat for you dear readers, a pic of me holding Doha shortly after she was born.   So I was 13 :).  I COULD say Doha is extremely cute in this picture but she has yet to comment on my blog.  So we shall remain silent.  

So one advantage to being pregnant in a Michigan winter is I am not as cold as every one else.  Hence, my little space heater. Your comments on my last post were really tremendously comforting.  It's hard being so far away from all of you especially when I am freaking out about things and can't do my usual let-me-talk-this-to-death coping method. :) 

I hope these pics provided some enjoyment.

Love,
Frieda

I MISS EVERYBODY

Hello dearest family and friends,

I miss you.  I am hoping to catch you up through blog posts and hear back from you!  I know I am terrible at phone calls and so this is my attempt to reconnect.  Please comment and write me back so I don't cry. :)  As you all know, I am pregnant.  So that threat to cry is a very real one ;).  You wouldn't want to be responsible for making a pregnant woman cry now would you?

I hope you all had some time off and got to do something fun.  I took a week off just cause and it was nice but somewhat anticlimactic and now I am back at work.  Well actually I am blogging so how much work could I really be doing :)

I am six months pregnant and I feel like I can't breathe sometimes.  That is probably normal (because no matter how many unique and weird complaints I make someone always tells me that it is normal) but I think maybe I just have a really big belly.  My mother and aunt have each asked me a few times if I am SURE I am not having twins.  At this point I feel like it would be very weird for an entire second baby to be hiding on the ultrasound, so that just leaves the alternative, I am pregnancy fat.  I mean I know when you are pregnant you are supposed to get big but asking someone who is pregnant if they are having twins is like the equivalent of asking a non pregnant person if they are pregnant.  At least it is in my book.  I will post a picture of myself here tomorrow for your enjoyment.  I ain't going to lie it will probably be a more flattering picture.  But either way, please don't ask about multiples.  One baby girl is the plan for now :).

As excited as I am to be having a baby, I must say pregancy is just not my cup of tea.  I feel guilty every time I think/say this but it is the truth.  I told this lady at work this and she looked VERY taken aback which made me feel even more weirdo-ish.  I mean first disgusting terrible terrifying misery making nausea, and then now discomfort and fatigue?  I could make this list a lot longer but I will spare you dear readers.  But seriously,  WHAT IS THERE TO LIKE????  What am I missing?  Ok it is super miraculous amazing that there is a baby inside of me and I do like Zagum waiting on me :) but that is not enough to compensate for spending a whole year being what I have dubbed inside my head as 'hormonella.'  That is who I am.  My whole body, brain, emotions, well being have been taken over by hormones. 
I seriously feel sometimes like I am missing out on some quintessential feminine secret because I don't enjoy pregnancy.  Like I should have an angelic glow and amazing breathless wonder that at least comes in the second trimester right?  NOPE.   I am hoping motherhood brings more positives because now I am worried about that too.  I mean if pregnancy has been a let down (to say the least) then what is motherhood going to be like???

I have this 13 girl in my practice who is pregnant, about one month ahead of me.  Of course she was like a quarter of my size to start with but she is in her third trimester and has gained like 7 pounds (yes I sound jealous of a 13 y/o girl for being skinny even though her life now sucks that she is pregnant.  I am a bad person.)  Let me just put some perspective on this.  I think I gained 7 pounds by the time I was 8 weeks pregannt. 

Sometimes I look at her and wonder, maybe part of the problem is that we were made to get pregnant in our teens and I am getting pregnant in my 30s which is just not what my body really is primed for.  I mean I know we think of the 30s as young but in fertility years, it is really kind of old. 

And on that positive note, I should pretend to go work now.  I really miss each of you very very much.
Love
Frieda